Holy Father, love me still
I have fallen from Your will
I am broken
Hear my humble cry
Take my life and make it Yours, Lord
Fill me with Your love
You are all I need
I surrender all of me
I have wandered for so long
Tired and weary on my own
In Your arms
I know I’m home, O God
There is a way that seems right to a man,
But its end is the way of death. [Pro 14:12]
I used to be sure this is the way I will walk but finally found that I am not certain it is right or wrong. Many times, sound of condemnation is very loud & may shake my purpose. I ever told that I come out as Abraham, don’t know where to go but I gotta go along the calling. It’s not cause I have no target but my own plans are all broken with love of Jesus. I lost myself. … I don’t wanna go back to Egypt but my sorrow is over than explaination. Nevertheless, it’s good when I see other problems. It’s just a piece of cake! One thing I wonder, why I take this torment so long?
Last big project, I have no peace at all. It’s not about money but I know myself I have no burden for & I gotta argue with some colleage almost everyday. There’s some offer to me about 5 million for next project. I can’t accept anymore becuz my heartbeat is passion for christian web project. … Don’t say so to me, mom [tho u never know that i denied it]. I never been frustrated of my knowledge cuz I wanna use it all for the kingdom of heaven. If I gained about 500 million per year without peace, do you want me to do becuz of worthy? [I may suicide before spending ] I won’t define my life cuz I AM as God choose.
One problem that I’m stucking in the middle is one ministry. Other see I’m LEADER even I try not to think so. Should I realize that is? I’m waiting for some promise of God. When it comes, I gotta leave them and I don’t wanna be Pastor cuz I know who I am. I don’t know group keeps on falling cuz of me think like this/not serious or other reason? but it’s like DOMINO. Most of sheep have no desire to join fellowship with many reasons. They have stuffs which’re more important than spending time to worship, pray & testify. They have their works on Sunday. They are too busy & weary to take much time in church or someone is following trend of revival. Moreover, we start to dispute each other & I don’t take Jesus’ cross to stop doing with emotion, sometime.
Do I wait for the wrong way? You call me to take care these scatter sheeps more than another purpose? I never think so. If it’s wrong, plz tell me then.